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29 March
Comments Off on GREG RAY:  Feral Budgit at bedtime

GREG RAY:  Feral Budgit at bedtime

DADDY, what’s a Feral Budgit?
Nanjing Night Net

You what? What’s that? A feral who?

I was listening to the radio and they were all talking about the Feral Budgit.

Oh, oh yes, that. Umm, it’s like this great big horrible monster in Canberra. It lives inside Parliament House and it drinks blood and has an ugly face that nobody can stand to look at. It’s like a Bunyip, only more horrible.

Really? Is that true or are you being silly?

I’m not being silly at all. It’s perfectly true. Look it up on the internet if you don’t believe me.

Where did the monster come from, Daddy?

Sorry, what monster?

The Feral Budgit, you know!

Umm, it was a sort of experiment that went wrong. Radiation and stuff. There was this giant budgie in Canberra and it got crossed with a burly griffin, like in Alice in Wonderland.

Did they smuggle it?

What?

Did they smuggle the budgie to Canberra?

Why are you asking me that?

On the radio they were talking about this man, he was at a party and they said it was liberal and he smuggled a budgie. Was that the giant budgie, Daddy?

Err, well, no, this budgie was even bigger than that one. It was there long before anybody started smuggling budgies. It was there before the white men came and the Aborigines knew better than to disturb it. They left it alone, but when white people came they wouldn’t listen to the warnings and they dug the top of its hill and put Parliament House there. Then the experiment went wrong and now we are stuck with the Feral Budgit.

Why didn’t they stop the boats, Daddy?

Sorry, what boats was that?

The Aboriginal people. Why didn’t they stop the boats so the white people couldn’t wake up the giant budgie and make it cross with the burly griffin like in Alice in Wonderland?

Umm, why would they do that? The white people came to Australia looking for a better life and the Aboriginal people agreed to share their country.

Really? Is that really true Daddy?

Well, probably. Parts of it. It was a long time ago.

So, how come everybody wants to stop the boats now? Is it to keep the budgie smugglers out?

Of course not. It’s just because the, umm, because … is that your Mum calling?

Angela’s Daddy said the budgie smugglers will be running Australia soon.

Did Angela tell you that?

Yes, she said her Daddy said that. Tell me more about the Feral Budgit.

No, I’m tired and trying to watch TV.

Please. I want to know about the Feral Budgit. On the radio they said they are locking people up with it in Canberra. Why are they doing that? Did those people do a bad thing?

Those people are reporters, they are always doing bad things. But they are being locked up with the Budgit so they can tell us what it wants from us this year.

What does the Budgit want from us, Daddy?

Oh, the usual stuff. We have to make sacrifices to please the Feral Budgit and keep it in a good mood. If it gets unbalanced it does stupid awful things and starts eating people up.

I’m scared of the Budgit Daddy. Will it eat us?

Well it might, but usually if you pay it a lot of money it will go away and just eat some public servants.

What does it do with all the money?

Nobody really knows, it just disappears.

I know, it goes into the Budgit’s Black Hole.

Where did you get that from, the radio?

Yes, that man who smuggled the budgie into the party said the Feral Budgit had a big black hole. That’s where it puts all its money.

That sounds about right to me. Now, how about saying goodnight to everybody and hopping off to bed.

Daddy . . .

What is it now?

Daddy, what’s a State Budgit?

 
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