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01 March
Comments Off on TOPICS: It’s money for nothing

TOPICS: It’s money for nothing

TOPICS keeps being reminded by politicians’ email ‘‘alerts’’ that the budget is in chaos, with deficits ‘‘as far as the eye can see’’.
Nanjing Night Net

So it’s time to raise revenue, and do it fairly. We propose the following measures.

Roundabout abuse toll

Collected from drivers who stop at roundabouts when nothing’s coming, and those who whiz up the left lane to push in front of other cars.

Revenue from the toll will fund local infrastructure. Merewether will have a new hospital and helipad within a month.

Apostrophe misuse tax

To be levied on those who throw in apostrophe’s that shouldn’t be there, and on peoples errant lack of them.

Redundant ‘‘what’’ levy

Also known as the Man of the Match tax – ‘‘We defended better than what they did’’ – this mechanism will also target politicians and such sentences as ‘‘Our economy is better than what it was last year’’.

A Topics government would also look at taxing unwanted hairdresser chat, buying a round at the bar using eftpos, and people who can only talk about work.

Which behaviour would you tax?

Frog fridge tops Tub

WHAT’s the scariest thing in a Hunter fridge?

Previously, Topics ran a photo of the heinous contents of The Tub inside our home refrigerator (old whipped cream is the latest theory).

Some colleagues thought it was the work fridge, leading to a hygiene crackdown from the top. Uh, sorry guys. That explains the glares in the lunch room.

The smart folks at the University of Newcastle reckon they can top The Tub.

‘‘The scariest thing in the University of Newcastle’s environmental biology laboratory’s fridge,’’ says one who emailed us, ‘‘is the frogs, who love their specially designed, temperature-controlled fridge.’’

Topics couldn’t confirm if any French researchers use the lab.

Mysterious artist

IT’s a daydream of many of us that tucked away in our homes, in a dank, forgotten corner, lies a treasure.

Topics doesn’t just mean a set of quoits gathering mold beneath the stairs, unless they belonged to Ned Kelly. We’re talking a relic that goes under the hammer for a life-changing amount, or at least gets you on Antique Roadshow.

Margery Howison, of Arcadia Vale, has four paintings.

They’re strikingly similar, depicting a lush, lakeside scene, and two of them carry the artist’s signature: ‘‘C Arnold’’.

Mrs Howison found two of the works in her late aunty’s house at Merewether, and her son Adam happened to pick up the other two in Newcastle.

‘‘It was a bit eerie, seeing how similar they are,’’ Mrs Howison says.

She doesn’t know if they’re significant but buoyed by tales of priceless art plucked from deceased estates, she’s not about to die wondering.

One of the unsigned paintings is labelled ‘‘The Great North Road, Wyong’’. The other is marked ‘‘Como Road’’.

These seemed like telling clues, except that Wyong Shire Council doesn’t list a Como Road.

REDDIT: Frogs enjoy refrigeration. Apparently.

Can anyone help Mrs Howison solve the mystery of the four paintings? Who’s C Arnold, and where’s Como Road?

PRICELESS: A roundabout abuse toll would raise millions quickly. Picture: Phil Hearne

 
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